Reporting live from my heart, soul and mind.

Obama's Inauguration Speech (adlib)

2009-01-16T15:40:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama's Inauguration Speech
My fellow Americans, today is a rotten day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "motherfucker", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually piss.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces festering and hemorroidal challenges like never before. Our economy is prepubecent. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for nipples. Our healthcare system is sexy. If your clitoris is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a social media expert. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a thingie dildo. But vomiting together we can right this ship, and set a course for The White House.

Finally, I must thank my sheepish family, my zombie-like campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank conspiracy theorists for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of dominating the American people. Without your pimply efforts, none of this would have been possible.

Created here

A little story I wrote today

2008-09-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

I was riding alone in the deepest, darkest forest on my pink Unicorn. I was completely lost, and I had these big, scary monsters chasing me. The kind of monsters that wants to peel your skin off, slowly, they'll get an erection from doing that to you, listening to your terrified noises and screams. They'll poke out your eyeballs and eat them with the most gruesome sound you'll ever hear, then fuck your eye sockets and penetrate your brain with their rock hard cocks with hooks on, you can feel their hooks tearing out pieces of your brain, and the sound it makes will make you wish you were never born. When they come, acid shoots in to your brain, and you can smell the disgusting stank of your own brain burning. They want to pull out your fingernails, one by one while your body shivers in agony. They'll eat your heart, you'll hear them eat away your life, tasting your blood, moaning. And all while you are still alive, your blood gushing everywhere, you feel it running down your skinless body; warm and nasty, the smell of your own blood sickens you and makes you vomit. The smell of your fear and your screams of unimaginable horror will scare away all the animals. No birds singing for you anymore... That kind of monsters.

There I was, on my pink Unicorn, trying desperately to evade, escape the monsters chasing us.

I kept thinking about before. Before when my Unicorn had her wings. We were safe back then. No one could harm us. We thought we were safe then. We weren't. One night, while we were sleeping under a pine tree with huge pine cones, I woke up from a nightmare I had. It was probably my instincts telling me something was wrong. I suddenly realized the monsters were nearby, I could smell them. I will never forget the impact their smell made on me. It shook the deepest core in me. Fear. My reflexes made me jump up in standing position at once, senses sharpened. I looked around me, but I couldn't see anything but darkness, and trees swaying in the soft breeze. I woke my girl up, and hopped onto her. I didn't have to kick her on the sides, she could smell them too. Her eyes wide, her nostrils flaring with each panicked exhale. She got up on her back legs, and I had to do everything I could to stay on top of her, clenching my legs tight around her body, leaning forward holding around her neck as hard as I was possibly able to, feeling her mane tickling me in the face. Smelling her fear. Hearing her whinny. Feeling her body tremble. Then she started running. My god, how she ran. Unimaginable fear kept her from taking off. Twigs hitting me everywhere, scratching me, I could feel blood trickling down my face. Then she screamed. The sound of her scream made my soul cry. Dry tears of mind numbing dread. Now I had blood running down my legs too. She kept running. Fast. Faster. I could hear the monsters grunt in extacy. Sniffing the scent of our fear and blood. Their breath tickled my naked back. Trust me, not a good tickle. The kind of tickle you feel when you are in an ancient roofless stone church at night and there's a full moon glaring down at you like a ghost from the past.
We managed to get away from them. Barely. They got one of her wings. That was why she screamed. It was her blood running down my legs. Pink blood, smelling sweet. That's why we couldn't just fly away this time.

The monsters were chasing us again, in the deepest, darkest forest, and we were lost. I was sure we wouldn't make it this time. The feeling of despair nearly killed me right then and there.

Then I suddenly heard a thud. And then three more thuds rapidly followed. I couldn't hear the monsters anymore. I made my girl halt, but kept ready to escape a possible threat. Out of the woods a furry teddeybear came. He had a bow and arrow. He had the kindest, eyes I had ever seen. His eyes were blue. Bears usually don't have blue eyes? They have brown! This had to be a trick! I panicked for two seconds, but then I heard his voice. His deep, calming, hypnotic voice talking to me. I stopped panicking. He told me to follow him. I did. Not knowing what to expect, but I wanted to thank him for saving our lives. He led us to his house. A cave. A warm cozy cave. He told me his name was Furrybear, and that he used to be a man, but a bad witch cursed him. There was a good witch in the forest too, and she had told him that his life mission would be to one time rescue a young girl and her pink Unicorn from the monsters. He offered me some food, and I ate greedily. He told me he never thought that he would ever find the girl he was supposed to rescue, and that it scared him, and made him feel hopeless. He told me he was so happy finally finding me, and that he could now die in peace.
After eating I curled up in his lap, my head resting on his furry chest. He made me feel so safe. We were talking for hours, and I really had to pee, but I didn't want to ruin the moment. Right before I fell asleep I told him I loved him, and I could feel his arms almost crushing me. I told him that I didn't want him to die. That I needed him. He said that now that his mission was over he couldn't go on living as a bear anymore. A freak. He said this to me with tears in his eyes. I cried, and then I fell asleep.

When I woke up he was gone. I felt like ice inside. I went out to look for him, and to check on my girl. She was awake, and eating grass. There was a pond outside his cave. A beautiful little pond with some fish in it. The water was clean, and I went to the shore to wash my face and drink water. The icy feeling I had was still there with me, I knew he had gone away to die. It made me feel so alone. I never felt alone before. Now I did. I had lost something I didn't even know what was.
I looked at myself in the mirror the water made for me. My eyes were dead. No life.
A shadow fell over me, and I saw a movement in the reflection the water made. I peed on myself in terror. I got on my legs, ready to run. I turned around and looked. A man was standing there. Still. His eyes drilling a hole right through my soul. Melting my ice with great intensity. And I just knew. The good witch never told him that once he rescued the girl he would become a man again. I was home.

Twitter down... Yeah.

2008-05-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

I LOVE twitter. I hate it when it's down (and that happens all the fucking time!), but I LOVE it no matter what! If I ever love a guy this much, well, yeah, maybe it will last, for once. But I hate the way twitter interrupts my conversations, although, there would be no conversations if there was no twitter... Twitter is free, and anyone can join. I like that. And it's an awesome community! I've never been "bad mouthed" (not that I know of). And it's rare that anyone gets badmouthed (at least in MY timeline).

Don't ever forget this...

2008-02-01T15:45:00.000-08:00

I used to sing in a choir... That's why I'm vibrating . Always.

Happy birthdayJames!

2008-02-01T15:38:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the Skype text message sound...

What I would have said in twitter if it hadn't been "gone":

2008-01-30T07:08:00.000-08:00

Twitter is being a bitch right now. And I have no other way of expressing my feelings than to write them here. Right now. Twitter has completely cut me off! I feel abandoned... A part of my world is gone. Makan! How can I do a Tatty without the possibility to make a fool out of myself?!?! That's just drinking alone. And that's no good! And I was in the middle of a conversation. I hate disruptions... Twitter must be better afterwards! Or else it's all in vain...

I'm watching GG again... That can not end well. And I'm actually fast forwarding through everything that doesn't include Rory, Lane or Logan...

"Up to snuff"?! I thought "snuff" was the nasty videos of people being killed for real...

Now I got ONE tweet. No more. Still I cannot send.

Hm. The anti-itching pills makes me silent. I do not wanna talk. And I'm drinking beer, that makes me talk more. Will that make me "normal"?

I guess there'll be a LOT of blog posts today...

@Dan_ Almost working...

Watching House. Not much more to say, really. I miss the ending of CYE s03e10.

2008-01-27T17:01:00.000-08:00

2008-01-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

I do know this one.

2008-01-06T14:54:00.001-08:00

This is a signed photo of me and Nick Bounty. Awesome... :D Yeah, I'm sort of a geek...

Here's what he wrote:
Well, I finally got around to getting our pictures developed! And I
think we look great, if I do say so myself! Its a rather romantic
window shot you chose! Sorry the pictures took so long, but thats the
detective biz for you. Sometimes a guy just gets too busy for an
instant photo op, but being a man of my word, I do get around to it
eventually. Thanks for waiting, cute stuff!

a wink and a drink,
Nick Bounty

My Grandma

2007-12-17T11:53:00.000-08:00

Bodil Margareth Larsen

My Grandma. She could be the bitchiest, a real witch... She had this dark side and she could make you feel like the smallest piece of dirt on the ground. But more often than not, she was the kindest, most caring and generous person I've ever known. She made a difference. She made the world a better place to live for many people. When my mom, uncle and aunt grew up she took care of their friends. When they had a rough time at home, or their families didn't have money for food or clothes, she invited them into her home, fed them, and put clothes on their neglected bodies. She kept on doing so when my generation grew up as well, took care of my brother's friends, and my cousin's friends. Kids in the neighborhood have always been welcome in grandpa and her house. She never had much money, but she would give away everything she had to help people, to make them feel better. She had a saying: "Nothing comes to a closed hand". The curch was full of people in her funeral.

She was wise. A smart woman who understood a lot of things about the world, and the people in it. She was open minded; she wasn't - like many old people - afraid of new things.

She never wore flowery skirts; she wore jeans and trousers in general.

She enjoyed rap, hip-hop, dance and so on, as much as she enjoyed the music that she grew up with.

She watched "The Osbournes", absolutely loved it, especially Sharon, and she even had Ozzie-slippers. She actually reminds me a bit of Sharon, or, the other way around.

She watched Ricky Lake and Jerry Springer, and yelled at the TV because people are so stupid.

She watched boxing, and scary movies.

February 14th she called her "kids" and us grandchildren and wished us a great day.

She was crazy about stuffed animals, and she had a lot of them around the house.

She refused to join us for Christmas Eve if there were no Santa. My grandpa had to be Santa every year. Even when the youngest one in our family was 16 years old... But you know what? We all enjoyed it. When grandpa came into the room dressed up as Santa, we were all like little children again. It was great! It really was Santa, not grandpa. Strange thing.

When my mom got sick she was in the hospital for a long time. Every night my grandma called the nurses and asked them to say good night to my mom. My mom was in a coma.

She loved animals.

She told dirty jokes. Really dirty ones. One could start thinking that she was a rough sailor in her younger years...

Nobody could tell her to act her age. Just like when she was a girl she did what she wanted.

I wish I knew more about her life, I think a lot of interesting things happened to her. When she was a kid she refused to wear dresses, she wanted to wear jeans. Her mother let her. Only problem was her younger brother. They were really close, they did everything together. So when she wore jeans, he wore dresses. Their mother let him, but only around the house...

I know she was a lot in Sweden as a young woman. And I have relatives there. I don't know what she was doing there, but my mom mentioned something many years ago... She was dating a diplomat and everything was extremely hush-hush. I wish I knew more about that. And more about who she was, growing up. I guess I'll never find out. But I keep a part of her deep in my soul, she is a part of me, and we are quite alike. She gave me so much, and I will do the best I can with it. I was lucky to have her in my life, and lucky that she was there to make an impact on me.

My Lovely Mee!

2007-12-17T11:10:00.000-08:00

It's been over a month since I came back from Thailand. I still dream about Thailand, at least twice a week. I cried when I left. Because of the people I got to know. The girls in my favorite bar Pompoi. Pompoi means big tummy. The owner was HUGE. There's especially one girl I miss. Mee. I wish I had taken her home with me. I miss some of the other girls too, but not like Mee. She was special. I'm not really a girlie girl, I don't have many girlfriends, and I usually don't like girls at all. Well, some girls. Special girls. But they are extremely rare! In Thailand I met a lot of girls I liked. They live a different life. Bar girls. They are not like western girls. Some are. But not the ones I met at that bar. I was hanging out a lot with them. Warm people. I miss them. Mee and I send text messages to eachother from time to time. I feel warm inside when I get a message from her. And I miss her. I miss Mee. I cry a bit now. But I'm okay. It's good tears. It's good when you meet someone who reaches you like her. I don't meet a lot of people I really like. She touched my heart. Not many people does that. I wish she had a better life. She shouldn't be a bar girl. Screwing disgusting guys for money to survive. If I had a lot of money I would give her money so she wouldn't have to do that. I miss her. My lovely Mee.

One Hour Left

2007-09-04T23:20:00.000-07:00

In one hour we will go to the airport. I think I have managed to remember everything. I have my passport. Not much else, just a backpack with a few items. I will get what I need in Thailand.

Luckily my dad made it, he will come with us! That made my day...

I'm excited now. But I'm a bit scared of flying... I hope I can keep myself from cracking up and make a scene. I'm sure I will cope.

Yeay! I'm outta here!

Thoughts Before My Trip To Thailand

2007-09-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

My dad got sick, and was admitted to the hospital yesterday. I've thought a lot about that. I was really looking forward to going on this trip with him. And he was excited about showing me a different world. I've talked to him today, and he is feeling better. Maybe he can go with me and my cousin on Wednesday. Or at least a few days later. I really hope so, it won't be the same without him...

I will take a lot of pictures while I'm in Thailand. Hopefully some good ones. I'm not sure if I'll bring my laptop. I want to. We'll see.

My brother and my cousin have been talking about this trip for weeks now, not much else. A lot of joking, of course. Hey, it's Pattaya... They were talking about having breakfast at "Pump Station" every morning. Well, I'm not going to. Not even if there was a "Pump Station" for girls.
They're also joking about getting me drunk, buying eight girls, placing them all in my bed and take pictures. For family gatherings. Well, that ain't happening either.

I think about all the beer I will drink. Yummie. And I will get massages. Lots. Will be good for my back.

Night Whispers

2007-09-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. Too much on my mind, and my back is aching, can't seem to find a comfortable position. I went downstairs just to discover cat poo on my laptop. Nice.
At least I'd gotten a nice e-mail.

I'm going to Thailand on Wednesday. I hope I don't have to use crutches! It's just typical...
I have a lot of thoughts about Thailand. I haven't really been much outside Scandinavia, only Germany, so this will be a whole new experience for me. Different culture. It will be warm, hot. I'm not so happy about heat.
I wish I could take Matthew with me, then we could be not so happy about the heat together. Unfortunately, someone seems to have misplaced my private jet somewhere, so I'm not able to go and pick him up.

I hope my back doesn't get any worse. I don't have to crawl on the floor like a maggot to get anywhere, at least not yet. I hope it doesn't come to that this time.

I miss my mom. I still begin to write her text messages, before I remember that she won't be able to receive them anymore. I have so much to tell her, but she can't hear me...
Sweet dreams, mom. I'm glad you don't suffer anymore. I think about you every day.

I can't wait to get away from here, it will do me good. It's been a rough year.

I wish I could sleep now, I can't. Hopefully I will soon.

A Letter I Wrote

2007-08-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

I'm laying in my bed now, finally managed to drag myself up the carpeted stairs that leads to my bedroom.
It's hard, you know, nothing awaits me here. Simple as that.
Only the big teddy bear - I think I will name him Matty. Yes. He is from now on known as Matty the bear. Mattybear.
I think Rosapus is on vacation and I think that it was me who sent her. She might be in NYC, Vegas, or maybe Seattle. Just to check up on things.
I don't know whether I will ever need her to come back again or not.
I think I have discovered something else. Something better.
More meaningful. More living. More exciting. Just more... More of everything, and... Everything. All. It all. Life, love the universe, it all makes sense now, and I can assure you, that the answer is not 42.

I'm not quite sure if I'm making much sense now. I just go on talking and thinking, thinking and talking. I think you know what I'm talking and thinking, thinking and talking about.

Right now, as I lay here in my empty and metaphorically cold and dead bed, I think about you. My Matty. With your long monkeyarms which could reach me all the way from the moon. Your soul connected to mine, in our own private secured wireless connection. Far apart, still never far apart. Close distance.

You are my everything. I can't concentrate properly on anything else, I feel like I'm obsessed. With you.
Because I don't have you here physically with me, next to me, close to me, on me, inside of me, surrounding me.
I'm not even sure I have a snowball's chance in hell to relax until I can actually look at you, into your eyes, touch you, embrace you, hear your voice, listen to your heartbeat and understand what your heart's trying to tell me, a language only you and I can comprehend.

You are my everything.
And I'm scared as hell.
I'm stronger now, because of you.
I have never been this vulnerable, all my defenses are down, because of you.
I'm so happy, you are mine!
I'm so sad, you are not here.
All because of you.
All, everything.
You.

I love you
Jeg elsker deg
Alltid, hele tiden.

Just Thinking...

2007-08-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

I have a lot to think about these days. Good things and bad. I like thinking about the good things. The bad things I just try to ignore. But even though I'm ignoring the bad stuff it's still there. I can feel it. I don't eat, I can't sleep. Unease.

Luckily I have some things to look forward to. My trip to Thailand, my next cuddle with PG, my next chat with friends. Not necessarily in that order.

I think a lot about the past and the future. I know my past, and I'm excited by my future. Some of the stuff my future brings excites me more than others, of course.

PG and Nuski are here with me now, Nuski on top of me, and PG trying to be. Just two guys fighting for my love. Sweet. By the way, they're cats. I love them to death. Ab Imo Pectore.

15 minutes ago I was in the kitchen making myself something to eat. Then I got distracted, and forgot. I remember that now. I should go downstairs and finish my feeding. I don't wanna lose more weight.

2007-08-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

Bessie the squirrelcat

2007-08-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

She's ok, I promise!